


Worth The Effort

by kumo



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Angsty Schmoop, Established Relationship, M/M, Tony Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-25
Updated: 2012-06-25
Packaged: 2017-11-08 12:14:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/443089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kumo/pseuds/kumo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And see, this is why he usually can’t be bothered to devote energy to someone else’s emotions. They’re fiddly things that can’t be pinned down and classified. And though he always suspected there must be some kind of beautiful logic beneath it all, he inevitably gets it wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Worth The Effort

They're fighting, which is nothing new really, but it feels new to Tony this time around. Feels different. Like missing a step or walking into a room only to have everyone go suspiciously quiet. Steve is angry, so angry, but at some point Tony lost track of the words he is saying and can only follow the motion of him as he makes fluid paths through the room in his rant. In the back of his mind, Tony admits that he is probably only tracking the patterns of movement so he won't notice the twisted feeling in his gut, an ember of fear that he doesn't dare acknowledge lest it burst into the horrible truth of the moment. 

He gets it, he does. They'd discussed it, more than once, and had agreed not to go public with the whole thing. The team was PR nightmare as it was, and there were always rumblings in the gossip rags about his romantic exploits (or the significant lack thereof). Pepper had strongly advised against it as well, but as Tony lay crushed and broken on the pavement earlier this afternoon he couldn't for the life of him remember any of the exactly 27 reasons she had laid out for him. Every ounce of his awareness was on Steve, as he ran through the post-battle haze towards Tony. With the dust and smoke whirling around him he had looked just like the old reels that Tony had watched (but had officially never watched because Steve made him swear he wouldn't), and Tony had to rip off his faceplate to take in the glorious scene. 

It was beautiful, really. Steve was beautiful. Mesmerising.

Tony's eyes had been blurred by the smoke and the blunt force impact in general, but soon he could make out the look on Steve's face and he wanted more than anything to make that look go away. So the second Steve hovered over him, Tony reached up a gauntlet and pulled the worried face in for a kiss saying 'Good to see you, Cap.' 

Then he promptly lost consciousness.

 

It is all over the media, of course, and Tony might be used to it but Steve isn't and he sort of wishes he had thought about that a bit but he's never really been great with being prudent. Pepper has called him a couple dozen times, according to the angry blinking count of missed calls on his phone, though Fury’s probably been adding to the count.

He’s heard Steve say “reckless” and “selfish” a half dozen times, and those are familiar things. Things he has always been great at. 

But he’d actually been trying these last few months. Making an effort to be “considerate” and sometimes even “thoughtful”. He’d sort of even thought he was doing ok. Better than ok maybe. He thinks briefly about how the whole bit about teaching old dogs new tricks is actually pretty bullshit but then looks up startled when he realizes that Steve has stopped talking. Steve has stopped talking, and is looking at Tony with disappointment writ large. Tony was hit hard by the realization that the one thing worse than the disappointment on Steve’s face was the subtle undertone of hope. Like Steve was waiting for Tony to fix this.

Oh.

That’s probably his cue.

But he has no idea how to fix this, so he briefly runs through a list of extravagant financial gestures that he knows will ultimately just piss Steve off because Steve is so fucking difficult and won’t let Tony buy him off no matter how ridiculously wealthy and handsome and charming he may be.

In desperation, Tony goes for the longshot, the one thing that is poetically lauded as the solution to all but has never once paid off for Tony: honesty. “I’m sorry,” he says. Because he is. It is the one thing he is sure of.

Steve deflates, visibly lets down his guard and moves over to stand in front of Tony. 

Tony counts this as progress.

“I know it doesn’t probably matter that I’m sorry, I mean, I can’t undo all of-” he waves vaguely at the large screen where the talking heads are saying things like “-strike a huge blow in the fight for gay rights” and “-potential detrimental influence on the youth” to accompany the incriminating photographs. 

“I don’t care about that,” Steve interrupts, his eyes dark. If anything, he seems to be getting more upset when Tony thought he’d been doing so well. “Tony-” he stops, as though he can’t bring himself to even continue talking to the wreck of a man before him. “ _Why_ are you sorry?” His face is not one to be brokered with, and Tony realizes he is in deep shit.

“So not because of the-” 

“No.” Steve’s expression is one that Tony is very familiar with. It’s the face that says ‘Aren’t you supposed to be a genius? This one is pretty obvious.’

Tony has seen that face his whole life.

And see, this is why he usually can’t be bothered to devote energy to someone else’s emotions. They’re fiddly things that can’t be pinned down and classified. And though he always suspected there must be some kind of beautiful logic beneath it all, he inevitably gets it wrong.

Steve is, thankfully, eternally patient, and looks as though he will give Tony as many chances as he needs. Maybe. Tony wouldn’t want to bet on that. He’d much rather make Steve forget whatever wrong Tony has done this time and hustle him into the very large shower that is less than 50 yards away. It would be so much easier, and he’s starting to really feel some of the hits from earlier, all the way down to his bones.

Oh right. 

“You’re angry because I didn’t follow orders,” Tony tries, but Steve just makes an exasperated flail. 

“Dammit, Tony,” Steve grips Tony’s biceps a little too hard, and ok Tony might feel that tomorrow too, but he won’t mind that one so much. “I am angry,” Steve relaxes his grip, rubbing his thumbs over the muscles that he must have realized he was abusing, “because you can’t seem to remember that you are not expendable.”

Tony clears his throat, because he has no idea what to say to that. 

“Oh.” The word is small in the room, and it makes Steve close his eyes and breathe slowly through his nose.

Tony is used to being frustrating. That’s another thing he is good at.

This is, of course, when Bruce comes into the room.

“Everything ok?” he asks, grabbing a bottle of water from behind the bar. 

Steve lets out a suppressed sigh. “It will be,” he says, looking Tony square in the eyes.

And somehow that little bit of hope Tony sees isn’t as terrifying as it was before.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic! I'm still seeking a lovely beta - is it you?


End file.
